Category Archives: TV

Fudge you and frak her too

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Okay, maybe it says something about the kind of day I’ve had, but tonight my thoughts turned to cursing.

Specifically, the kind of cursing people do in movies, suitable-for-radio songs and (especially) TV shows.

A recent example of what I’m talking about: The Cee Lo Green song “Forget You,” which isn’t really called “Forget You.” But thanks to the censored version — which probably gets more play than the uncensored version, except in strip bars — Cee Lo is a household name and star of a TV competition show.

In a time when bleeped expletives on TV are commonplace — and don’t take much effort to figure out — the made-up variety of cussing is a lot more entertaining.

So here’s a sampling of imaginative, imaginary cursing.

“Rassin-frassin-rassin …” Once-popular cartoon favorite Yosemite Sam, who appeared in 45 Warner Brothers shorts beginning in the 1940s, popularized this garbled style of cussing. Sam was kind of a daring character, really. Daffy Duck was a bitter little mallard but he didn’t swear. Just the fact that Sam muttered expletives in cartoons was testimony to how the Warner Brothers classics were made for adults as well as kids.

“Frak” and “Felgercarb.” In the original 1970s “Battlestar Galactica” series, characters routinely cursed by uttering “Frak.” We knew what what they meant. The 2000s revival of “Battlestar Galactica” brought “Frak” to a wider, hipper audience. Really, how cool was it when characters on other shows, including “Veronica Mars,” started exclaiming “Frak!”

“Felgercarb” — a euphemism for crap, according to the Battlestar Wiki — however, never caught on. Which makes sense, I guess. People could say crap on TV. They didn’t need a euphemism.

“Motherless goat of all motherless goats.” Don’t recognize it? That’s because it was uttered, in the original Chinese, on the much-missed Joss Whedon 2002 series “Firefly.” The series was set in a future in which China had a huge influence on human culture so, ideally, some of the best curses would be uttered in Chinese.

@%$#@! Okay, anyone who’s read comic strips and comic books recognizes what’s sometimes referred to as “cartoon cursing” or “comic strip cursing.” The fun part is that you can apply almost any string of curse words to it. And any random combination of top-row symbols.

“Oh, fudge!” One of my favorites. It’s from “A Christmas Story,” the 1984 classic that’s become a holiday season TV fixture. Fans remember that Ralphie blurts out “Oh fudge” when he drops a hubcap full of lug nuts. Except he doesn’t say fudge, of course.

Soapy mouth-washing-out ensues.

 

 

‘Justified’ shows us ‘The Man Behind the Curtain’

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Tonight’s “Justified” episode on FX, “The Man Behind the Curtain,” felt like an intermediate episode, as if the show’s creators were setting the stage for the final episodes of this season.

And that’s okay, because few shows can be this entertaining in setting up a season climax.

The players in this Kentucky-set cops-and-drug-dealers series spent most of the episode marshaling their forces. Pun intended.

As U.S. Deputy Marshal Raylan Givens circled around the edges of out-of-town mobster Quarles’ new world, Quarles began leaning on people: He threatened the just-visiting son of his old patron back in Detroit. He brought a briefcase full of money to the office of the sheriff in the guise of a “campaign contribution.” Before the end of the episode, he tracked Gary, the hapless doofus who used to be married to Raylan’s ex, Winona, to his new stomping grounds.

I’m not feeling good about Gary’s future. And that’s not just based on the preview for next week’s episode, which looks like Quarles is angling to frame Raylan for something dire.

Tonight’s episode featured some good action from Boyd Crowder, Raylan’s frenemy. Boyd rejected an overture from Quarles in a previous episode and now Quarles has the sheriff lean on Boyd. Before things were over tonight, Boyd began his own career as a political kingmaker.

Even while Raylan seemed — in slightly haphazard fashion — to be getting on with his life and career, events and his own habits seemed to be conspiring against him. Fellow marshal Tim was more than a little hostile to Raylan tonight and Raylan — in a plot point drawn from Elmore Leonard’s recent book, “Raylan” — is living above a noisy bar and working part-time as a bouncer.

And — Bing! — how much fun was it to see Stephen Tobolowsky as an FBI agent who disapproves of Raylan’s tactics? The actor, best known for playing Ned Ryerson in “Groundhog Day,” plays this role very differently than his recurring part in “Glee.”

‘Walking Dead’ goes ’18 Miles Out’

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Tonight’s episode of “The Walking Dead,” “18 Miles Out,” got at least a couple of its characters moving again, which is a good thing.

Rick and Shane went on a road trip with the hapless goober who Rick rescued last week in his expedition to town. Rick irritated Shane — not that difficult a thing to do — by deciding that instead of killing the guy so he can’t lead his interloper friends to Hershel’s farm they would take him some distance — a little more than 18 miles, as it turns out — away and set him loose.

On the road trip, Rick and Shane seem to be on their way toward smoothing over their differences, which revolve around Lori, Rick’s wife and Shane’s one-time girlfriend.

They pull over at a water treatment plant and plan to drop the interloper off there. Of course, things don’t go as planned. There’s a grandly grotesque walker killing shown. Let’s just say the scene wouldn’t be out of place in a commercial for tires.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch — er, Hershel’s farm — Lori and Andrea get up in each other’s grills. Andrea, who flirted with suicide and Shane, in that order, risks the wrath of the Hershel household by allowing Hershel’s formerly comatose daughter to make her own choice about ending it all.

Much of the cast was off screen and out of the picture tonight. It’s not a bad way of constructing an episode. By focusing on just a few players/storylines, the episode seemed stronger and more cohesive.

A couple of interesting things:

Rick and Shane (mostly Rick) talked about how to prepare for what might unfold in the next few months. Is it me, or is this the first time we’ve heard characters plan or even guess about what could be on the horizon (beyond the early push to go to the CDC)?

There was a lot of emphasis on killing walkers with knives — rather than guns — tonight.

And, perhaps tied into that, was tonight’s episode the first in which characters tried to puzzle out how a couple of people became walkers even though they hadn’t been bitten? “Must have been scratches,” Rick and Shane theorize.

Or … something else?

Three more episodes remain this season. With the announcement the other day that actor David Morrissey would play the Governor — a particularly twisted character from the comics — next season, I’m going to assume that the bulk of the remaining episodes this season will take place on Hershel’s farm.

Sigh. After seeing next week’s preview, in which the survivors bicker about what to do with the hapless goober, I was thinking, haven’t we seen this episode already?

‘The Walking Dead’ eats the Oscars

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Oscar-watching has been an annual ritual with me since I was a little movie-obsessed geek.

And, truth be told, I’ll be checking out the Academy Awards tonight. I especially want to see Billy Crystal’s opening, which is likely to be the kind of corny but crowd-pleasing stuff that Oscar viewers enjoy.

But in pretty short order, I’ll be tuning in to AMC to watch tonight’s “Walking Dead” episode, “18 Miles Out.”

It’s not that I don’t care about the Oscars. I’m kind of interested in who wins. But not enough to miss “The Walking Dead.”

So here are a few reasons why I’ll be watching zombies and soap opera on AMC rather than aging movie stars and soap opera on ABC.

Nobody thanks anybody on “The Walking Dead.” At least they don’t thank everybody. At great length. And monotonously.

Nobody will play anybody offstage on “The Walking Dead.”

Nobody will be talking about what the characters on “The Walking Dead” are wearing. If Shane or Lori gets mostly naked, we might hear some variation on this, however.

Nobody will complain that “The Walking Dead” lasts too long. Maybe that the characters are spending too much time on Hershel’s farm this season, but not that the show itself runs too long.

Nobody will get eaten at tonight’s Oscars. ‘Nuff said.

 

Wright, Depp to team on new ‘Night Stalker?’

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Ever feel that mixture of eager anticipation and dread, that feeling that runs up your spine and messes with your brain when you’re thinking about something that could be so good, so cool … if it just doesn’t get screwed up?

That’s what I felt this afternoon when I heard that Johnny Depp and Edgar Wright, the genius director of “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz,” were teaming up to make a big-screen version of “The Night Stalker.”

If you’re not familiar with it, “The Night Stalker” was a 1972 TV movie that starred character actor Darren McGavin as Carl Kolchak, a hard-charging newspaper reporter who — thanks to his willingness to buck authority and his his inability to kowtow to his bosses — has drifted from newspaper to newspaper, city to city, in search of steady work.

He’s at a paper in Las Vegas when a series of gruesome showgirl murders gets his attention. He starts covering the story and, much to the horror of city officials and the chamber of commerce, discovers not only that a serial killer is at work … the killer is a vampire (played to truly creepy, alien effect by Barry Atwater).

The movie unfolded like a modern-day police procedural, with Kolchak arriving at crime scenes and irritating the cops when he isn’t hanging out in the morgue. It builds to a genuinely suspenseful climax in which Kolchak takes things into his own hands … only to find himself run out of town by officials worried about the story’s impact on tourism.

Masterful writer Richard Matheson wrote the movie based on a terrific book by author Jeff Rice.

“The Night Stalker” was the highest-rated TV movie of its time and sparked not only a 1973 sequel, “The Night Strangler,” but a 1974 series, “Kolchak: The Night Stalker.”

In the series, which ran only one season, Kolchak worked out of a Chicago news service, frustrated the same boss (the blustery Simon Oakland), and kept running into monsters. The best episodes featured a zombie and a vampire who was one of the victims from the original movie.

News of the remake doesn’t fill me with quite the same level of anticipation and dread that I feel for the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp “Dark Shadows.” Maybe because Burton, a genuine artist who seems to have lost the ability to make a coherent movie, isn’t associated with this.

Maybe because, as much as I liked “Dark Shadows,” it isn’t the equal of “The Night Stalker” in my book. If Burton makes “Dark Shadows” an unwatchable mess, that’ll be a loss. If Wright screws up “The Night Stalker,” I’ll be in mourning.

Wright — who has also been working on a movie of the Marvel Comics character Ant-Man, a member of The Avengers — seems well-suited to the mixture of humor and horror that a proper adaption of “The Night Stalker” would need.

But I really would dearly love it if a “Night Stalker” movie was really good, spawning a new generation of fans and renewing attention for the original ABC movies and TV show.

‘Justified’ packs a punch with ‘When the Guns Come Out’

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“I got no interest in shit-kicker on shit-kicker crime.” — Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens to lifelong friend/antagonist Boyd Crowder.

The third season of “Justified,” the FX series about good guys and bad guys in the hills of Kentucky, just gets better and better.

In tonight’s episode, “When the Guns Come Out,” Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant) finds himself dealing with the fallout from a burgeoning drug war in rural Harlan County.

As Boyd (the wonderful Walton Goggins) muscles in on the Oxycontin trade, gunmen working for Detroit mobster Quarles (Neal McDonough) start killing people.

Poor Raylan is befuddled by the sudden disappearance of Winona (Natalie Zea), his pregnant ex-wife, but he’s sufficiently on his game to not only banter with Boyd but pistol-whip a sleazy pimp whose hookers are victims/witnesses to the murders.

Off in the wings, homegrown mobster Limehouse (Mykelti Williamson) begins to maneuver his response to the growing threat of Quarles.

Tonight’s episode had a perfect mix of Raylan/Winona soap opera, Raylan/Boyd dramatic/comedic tension and violence so abrupt it’s almost funny.

There were great moments for Raylan’s boss, crusty marshal Art (Nick Searcy) and an appearance by Ava (Joelle Carter). And a return appearance by Stephen Root as a Harlan County judge.

It surprises me somewhat that “Justified” creator and producer Graham Yost makes this all look so effortless. But the show is better with every episode.

‘Community’ returns March 15

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For a while there, it looked like “Community” was finished.

The innovative, clever and — most importantly — funny NBC comedy seemed destined to fade into the land of dead-bef0re-their-time shows like “Freaks and Geeks” and “Undeclared.” A few months ago, NBC interrupted the third season of the show and said it would return to the air … sometime.

At least “Community” fans would have the comfort of knowing their show, about a collection of lovable oddballs hanging out at a second-rate community college, had lasted two, nearly three seasons.

But today, NBC announced that “Community” would return on March 15. True, the series will air at 8 p.m. Thursdays, opposite CBS’ uber-popular nerd comedy “Big Bang Theory.” But at least “Community” is coming back.

If all the talk about how offbeat “Community” is has discouraged you from trying it … don’t be discouraged. The show, created by Dan Harmon and starring a diverse and appealing cast, is a little odd. I mean, how many series can boast of a Christmas episode in which the characters act out a goofy, heartfelt fantasy set in “Rudolph” style Claymation?

Trust me. “Community” goes to extremes — the paintball episode that ended the first season was an amazing send-up of every action movie cliche ever — but it’s genuinely funny and doesn’t take a lot of effort to appreciate.

So check it out. For both of us.

And, for no apparent reason, here’s a drawing by artist Chris Schweizer of the “Community” cast as Marvel’s “The Avengers.” No idea why. I just came across it and had to share it.

I think my favorite part is Abed as the Vision. Classic.

‘Alcatraz’ ponders bullies in ‘Johnny McKee’

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Each week, the Fox thriller “Alcatraz” lets loose another former inmate of the island prison into modern-day San Francisco. And more than a few of those inmates, we’ve seen, have had some motivation for their criminal behavior.

Tonight’s episode of the series, “Johnny McKee,” offered the most overt explanation yet for what makes a killer a killer.

As Hauser (Sam Neill), Madsen (Sarah Jones) and Soto (Jorge Garcia) pursue McKee (Adam Rothenberg), a 1950s mass murder who killed with poison and is taking up his old habits in the modern-day, flashbacks show McKee as a man — admittedly unhinged and homicidal — bullied into killing another inmate while in prison.

There’s not a lot of sympathy to be had for McKee, of course. Ultimately he tells prison psychiatrist Lucy Banerjee (Parminder Nagra) — who also made the leap through time along with the inmates and Dr. Milton Beauregard (Leon Rippy) — the motivation for his first mass murder, more than a half-century ago. It’s pretty dire but doesn’t prompt viewers to think, “Yeah, I can totally see why he’s killing dozens of people.”

In the present day, Banerjee has been shot by a sniper and lies in a coma. Hauser, who knew Banerjee when he was a young guard, keeps careful — even loving — watch over the doctor.

The show, which has been struggling in the ratings, continues to tease with overall mythology and secrets. Madsen’s grandfather, an inmate on the loose in the present, is mentioned. There are also sinister overtones to the modern-day prison where Hauser — who we learn has the authority to eliminate viral videos from the Internet if they threaten to reveal the existence of his little project — keeps the recaptured inmates.

I’m still enjoying “Alcatraz,” but I’m increasingly worried that becoming involved in the show’s mythology — and that’s the best part of the show, really; the hunting down of inmates is becoming pretty routine — is going to pay off only in frustration when Fox yanks the show.

Next week’s episode, like an earlier one in which the first guard returned, looks to be interesting. An inmate who was innocent back in the day returns. But is he a killer now? (I’m guessing no.)

 

 

‘Walking Dead’ adds action in ‘Trigger Finger’

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Okay, that was more like it.

Tonight’s episode of “The Walking Dead” on AMC, “Trigger Finger,” liberally mixed action with the soap opera storylines we’ve become accustomed to so far in this, the second season of the zombie apocalypse show.

A follow-up to last week’s episode, in which Rick and Glenn went to town to find Hershel, only to meet — and in Rick’s case, kill — two dangerous human types, “Trigger Finger” opened as the companions to the interlopers from last week gathered outside the saloon and, for a while, kept our heroes pinned down by gunfire.

Meanwhile, Shane went off to find Lori, who crashed her car last week and found herself fighting off a walker attack this week.

The episode had the kind of action that too many episodes haven’t featured this year, including the opening gunfight between the good guys and the new and mysterious bad guys. The stand-off was complicated by the arrival of zombies and a serious injury for one of the interlopers. Rick decides to take the injured stranger back to the farm, which further antagonizes Shane.

I’m getting the sinking feeling that the remaining few episodes of this season will be spent on Hershel’s farm. The static nature of the farm setting — and the stories told so far this year — has been a sore point with fans, me included.

But — and this is a very big but — if the remaining episodes have the same mix of action and suspense and character drama as tonight’s “Trigger Finger,” I’ll keep watching.

On the interpersonal relationships front, Shane spilled the beans about Lori’s pregnancy and and Lori cautioned Rick that Shane believes that Lori and the baby are his … and very well might kill Rick to take what he believes he’s entitled to.

Also tonight, Glenn froze in action and dealt with the aftermath and Andrea and Shane seem to be drifting further away from the core of the group. And Daryl seems intent on pushing Carol away.

One thing I’d like to see: More to do for T-Dog. He’s barely in the series anymore.

Best thing about tonight’s episode: The new, improved, man of action Hershel. If we’re gonna hang out with him all season, I’m glad he’s capable of being more than a soft-spoken old scold.

Gruesomest thing about tonight’s episode: Lots of zombie chowing down, plus a grisly fence impalement.

‘The Simpsons’ marks 500 episodes

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“The Simpsons” reached its 500th-show milestone tonight, in case you’ve been living off the grid for a while now and haven’t heard.

As has been the case since the mid-90s, the episode was pretty hit-and-miss. There were some funny moments, but all too often in recent years the show seems to trade clever for crude. (More on that later.)

The plot: The entire town of Springfield, tired of the antics of Homer and the clan, decides to exile them from town. The Simpsons leave Springfield and stumble across some folks “living off the grid” and decide to give it a try.

There were some nice touches. The opening credits ended with a montage of hundreds — maybe 500; I sure couldn’t count them all — opening credits couch gags.

The show, as it often does, took a shot at its network home.

Midway through the show, the newly off-the-grid Simpson family recreated their opening credits at their new rural location. The family assembles in the living room and, instead of watching TV, they’re watching a fox sleeping on a rock.

“I’m sick of watching Fox,” Homer complains.

The episode also contained what might be the dirtiest joke I’ve ever heard on TV.

When someone acknowledges that Springfield is full of jerks, Lenny (I think it was Lenny) says, “Want me to spray some of my Jerk Off on you?”

Other good jokes:

Moe, the proprietor of Moe’s Tavern, sets up shop in a cave. The name: Moe’s Cavern.

Chief Wiggum’s acknowledgement: “I’m not the sharpest pencil in the … pencil thing.”