Tag Archives: Beetle Bailey

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 17

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Here’s our regular look at what’s funny in today’s newspaper comics pages. Because nobody wants to hear Charlie Brown scream “AAUGH!” again.

“Classic Peanuts” has one for anyone old enough to remember the kind of skates you strapped onto the bottom of your street shoes. Sally Brown straps them on and then watches as Linus, Snoopy and others whiz by on skateboards. “I feel old-fashioned!” Sally says. I think mild chagrin music would be appropriate here.

Wait, it’s Father’s Day! “Zits” starts things off with the teen son emphasizing that he bought a present for his dad with his own money. “It’s not the gift, it’s the context that counts,” he says.

Ants Go Marching One By One in “Garfield,” and they’re all carrying birthday candles. Garfield thinks he’s hallucinating. Good stuff.

From the “tell me about it” department: In “The Wizard of Id,” a serf kid tells his teacher that his dad helped with his homework. The kid goes home and tells Dad that the teacher said he should be in a remedial class.

Funny “Curtis.” Curtis brings his dad a pizza for Father’s Day and slowly works his way up to asking, “Dad, is mom the only woman you’ve ever loved?” “Think I’ll finish my slice in my bedroom,” Dad says from outside the final panel. It’s the slow build that makes this work.

In “Blondie,” the family gives Dagwood a black velvet painting of Giada DeLaurentiis, Emeril Lagasse and other chefs playing poker. Brought to you by Food Network.

“Beetle Bailey’s” life flashes before his eyes, and this time it’s not because Sarge is beating him to a bloody pulp. I always appreciate the “Beetle” strips that show Beetle in that cool cat college hat he used to wear.

Okay, “Dennis the Menace” made me laugh. Dad tells Dennis that the best Father’s Day present he can give is for Dennis to obey his mother, keep his room clean, mind his manners and stay out of Mr. Wilson’s hair. “Sorry Dad, you’re too late,” Dennis says. “I already got you a tie.”

You just know we couldn’t wrap up Father’s Day without a visit to “The Family Circus.” The kids and pets give Dad ties and other traditional gifts and ask which he liked best. Dad pictures hugging all the kids. But what about the pets, Barfy and Sam and Kittycat? WHAT ABOUT THEM?

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 9

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Our look at today’s newspaper comic strips. Because surely the newspaper comics didn’t stop being funny when “Pogo” trudged back into the swamp?

“Classic Peanuts” features Charlie Brown refusing Lucy’s suggestion that he bean a pitcher. A spirited discussion ensues, covering the morality of everything from “the way the early settlers treated the Indians” to “our whole system of freeways.” Schulz did this kind of thing better than anyone.

Good sight gag in “Zits:” The teenage son imagines having an elephant-like trunk instead of a nose so he can eat pizza and mess with his smart phone at the same time. “Creepiest. Idea. Ever.” his friend says. “I’m just saying that evolution could try a lot harder to keep up with technology,” he replies.

True on all counts: In “Pickles,” the protagonist fusses at her husband for eating the chocolate bar she had hidden away. You can’t leave chocolate around and not expect it to be eaten, he replies. “That’s like dropping bacon on the floor in front of a dog and expecting him to ignore it.” As she goes on to explain how carefully she had hidden the candy, the dog walks in and thinks, “Did someone say bacon?”

Great “Doonesbury” today: Soldier Melanie, disappointed she hasn’t heard from her family, calls home. Her brother explains that the kids have been sick or busy with activities. “Sounds crazy,” she agrees. “Where are you calling from?” he asks. “Afghanistan,” she replies. “Wait, we’re still there?” her brother asks.

“Beetle Bailey” rushes past the door to Sarge’s office to avoid the big bully. “I feel a strong breeze in here,” Sarge says. “And it smells like Beetle,” another soldier says. Wait, they know their troops by how they smell? So do they even use dog tags anymore?

In “The Family Circus,” Jeffy runs around inside the house like a madman, jumping over furniture, jumping on the bed, doing backflips. He’s exhausted and settles in his bed when his mom scolds him for not getting outside and getting exercise. And thus parkour was born.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 7

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It’s time for our weekly look at what’s funny — or not — in the Sunday funnies. Because surely there’s a modern-day successor to “Pogo?”

“Classic Peanuts” offers a take on Charlie Brown’s love/hate relationship with baseball. Charlie Brown’s on the pitcher’s mound and it’s raining. Lucy asks if he’s going to call the game. He tells her to get back out into centerfield. A pop fly ball is hit and … bounces off Lucy’s umbrella. That Lucy!

“Garfield” looks at a common problem for bloggers. Jon worries that no one is reading his blog. He theorizes that cute pictures of Garfield would generate clicks. But Garfield won’t cooperate. The last panel shows an extreme close-up of a mouth. Jon’s I think. With the entry, “Today I ate a smartphone.” Am I missing something?

“Wizard of Id” gives us our first April Fool’s joke of the day. The king is delighted to hear the soldier in the turret announce, “The king’s popularity is higher than ever.” But everyone else is laughing — until the king has them put in chains for playing an April Fool’s joke on him.

“Marmaduke” barks in response to the tweeting birds … and they all fly away. Are we sure that the creator of “Marmaduke” has ever seen a dog?

“Dilbert” features Catbert offering the pointy-haired boss advice on leadership. After Catbert tells him he’s being too panicky in his warnings, the boss says, “We’re doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried.” Catbert frowns. “That one had a creepy vibe.” And that’s not even the punchline. Pretty funny.

In “Beetle Bailey,” the men of Camp Swampy are complaining about Cookie’s meatballs. Sarge advices him to make something they would like to tear apart with their teeth. Cookie makes … cookies that look like Sarge and the men are eating them up. I’m confused. Is “Don’t ask, don’t tell” over or not?

“Foxtrot” offers “Game of Thrones” as it might be filtered through a “My Little Pony” sensibility for an April Fools Day joke. And, you know, it works.

In “Hi and Lois,” Lois cleans up the house all day and then wonders aloud if mother birds ever look forward to an empty nest. I sense a very tragic Lifetime movie in the offing.

An April Fool’s joke backfires for “Dennis the Menace.” He’s trying to be funny, but he convinces Margaret that she’s gorgeous and that he wants to hear her practice piano. I sense a very tragic Lifetime movie in the offing here too.

Okay, now we’re getting into the spirit of this special day as well as the spirit of horribly embittered and disappointed mothers. In “Family Circus,” all the kids thank their mom for vegetables, come home with perfect report cards and thank mom for taking them clothes shopping. “April Fool!” those devilish Keanes announce. Tragic. Lifetime. Offing.

And finally in “Non Sequitur,” an alien and a little boy tell a little girl they’re calculating when an asteroid will strike earth. She realizes it’s April Fools Day. Whew. After she leaves, they go back to calculating the date of impact. Wow, thanks, Wiley, for spoiling the spirit of April Fools Day! (And thanks for the plot of a SyFy Channel movie.)

If you’re scoring at home, that’s five April Fools Day jokes and three potentially tragic tales of parenthood gone off the rails.

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 6

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It’s that time again. Time to check out the funny pages. Because newspaper comics aren’t all about Mutt and Jeff!

Classic Peanuts: Linus and Snoopy are searching all over the yard for … Snoopy’s contact lenses? Who knew? And how do they get him to sit still for that puff-of-air-in-your-eye test at the optometrist?

Baby Blues: The baby crawls around the house, burbling “mama” and “choo-choo.” He passes Dad, who’s just hit his finger with a hammer and is making those comic strip #@!$& curse words. The baby then crawls up to mom and repeats the word. Mom faints. As a parent, I can tell you this is pretty accurate.

Speed Bump: A doctor tells Pinocchio he needs more fiber in his diet. So wait, Pinocchio eats wood? I mean, I know people eat meat and all, but isn’t Pinocchio eating the material he was carved from — but no longer is — strange? Maybe it’s me.

Beetle Bailey: Sarge gets mad because Beetle is sleeping late and goofing off. Welcome to 1963.

The Family Circus: Mom wakes up Jeffy and tells him, “Time to start another busy day. Clock’s ticking away!” Then Jeffy — get this — pictures a clock with him doing stuff on it! My face hurts from this satisfied smile.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 1

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A couple of days ago I noted that Dick Tracy, in a recent strip, cracked that he didn’t really have time to read newspaper comic strips anymore. Aside from the meta reference there, I found it to be a sad but true commentary on the state of the funny pages.

I haven’t made a daily devotion of newspaper comic strips since the passing of Calvin and Hobbes and The Far Side. In the newsroom where I worked, we made a daily ritual of weighing in on The Far Side each day. Who got it? Who didn’t?

So I’m checking out the daily funnies again, hoping something will catch my eye and become a regular thang.

For Better or For Worse: If I hadn’t heard that the strip had virtually stopped production and dipped back into its own history, I might wonder why the family’s kids were little again and there was less drama and tragedy in the strip. So there’s a “been there, read that” feel to the strip now.

Baby Blues and Crankshaft: Strips that mine the dawn and sunset of life for humor, these two are pretty dependably amusing.

Beetle Bailey: Hmmm. Has anyone else noticed this trend? It seems like Sarge can be pretty hard on Beetle.

Blondie: Dagwood makes a joke about food or sports. Blondie makes a joke about shopping. Repeat.

Lockhorns: This couple is always kind of insulting each other. I think this is a bad sign for their marriage.

Pickles: After the cantankerous old guy observes his wife putting on makeup and notes, “My grandpa had a saying … Even an old barn looks good with a fresh coat of paint,” He finds himself out on the stoop. “I just realized why grandpa got locked out of the house so often.” Pretty good.

Dilbert: The strip might be most appealing to office workers, but you’ve got to admire Scott Adams’ diligence in exploring the many facets of idiotic bosses and shiftless workers.

Today’s strip is fine, but my favorite Dilbert — maybe of all time — was a few weeks ago.

Be back in a couple of days with part two.