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The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 15

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It’s a very special time! No, Calvin, not bath time! It’s time for our regular look at what’s funny in newspaper comic strips. Because surely all the fun didn’t go out of the funny pages when Opus left “Bloom County” for other pastures?

In “Classic Peanuts,” Charlie Brown uses Snoopy as a substitute for his kite. Snoopy doesn’t end up in a tree, but he does crash to the ground with a “crunch.” Then Snoopy wakes up and realizes he was having a bad dream. Posthumous points to Sparky Schulz for the surprise and the visuals.

Speaking of Calvin, today’s “Baby Blues” made me smile as the kids quiz Dad about where his car keys are, how you start the car and long his nap was expected to last. Shades of “Calvin and Hobbes” letting the car roll down the driveway and into a ditch.

And speaking of trouble-making kids and meta humor: In “LiO,” the protagonist blows a hole in the panel of the comic with a bazooka (!) and Hagar the Horrible peers through. Nice!

“Dilbert” gave me a warm feeling. Wally outlines his plan for his career. Wonderful.

“Blondie” finds Dagwood, armed with a bow and arrow, hunting a ham. It’s a “Hunger Games” joke. Get it? Sigh.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 13

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Our regular look at what’s funny in the funny pages. Because surely “Rex Morgan, MD,” didn’t take the prescription for fun with him when he left?

In “Zits,” the mom tells the teenage son to bring all the dirty dishes from his room and he comes back with a towering stack. “Zits,” the first documentary comic strip.

In “Baby Blues,” the parents watch while their daughter fails at soccer. A nation of Saturday-morning soccer parents winces.

“Speed Bump” shows us two Grim Reapers talking about another, who is wearing one of those annoying “Life is Good” T-shirts over his robe. “I worry about that guy,” one of the reapers says. Amen, brother!

“Dilbert” and “Blondie and Dagwood” address those people at work who drive us crazy: The sociopaths in disguise and the people who don’t give us recognition for our good work. Sometimes they’re one in the same. Sometimes they’re us. (Is that too meta?)

In “The Family Circus,” Mom drills one of the little tykes to say “May I watch TV please, Mommy” panel after panel, then says, “No. You need to get your homework done.” And people wonder why grown children don’t visit their parents in retirement homes.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 8

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Our weekly look at the Sunday funnies. Because surely the best comic strips didn’t set sail with Prince Valiant?

“Classic Peanuts” gives us Charlie Brown vs. the Kite-Eating Tree, Part 127,423. Charlie taunts the “stupid tree,” avowing that it won’t get his kite this time. What does the tree do? It “wumps” over onto the kite. Look at it this way, CB: The tree’s roots are pulled out of the ground, so surely that’s the last time this will happen, no?

“Baby Blues” finds the parents worried that the kids haven’t uncovered all the Easter eggs. They do … except for the one left over from last year. Mercifully, it was on the porch. Otherwise, you know, I think they would have noticed it before now.

“Pickles”: Grandpa advises Nelson not to take it personally that Gramma is grouchy. “We need to be slow to judge others, though, son,” Grandpa says. Then Gramma comes in, announces “I believe these are yours,” and throws dirty laundry all over Grandpa. Funny.

“Lio” shows the little boy wishing for a companion. The Good Fairy turns his doll into a real boy, ala Pinocchio. Final panel: The newly created boy is doing Lio’s homework. Good, very “Calvin and Hobbes.”

I literally laughed out loud at today’s “Dilbert.” A female office worker asks Wally to lunch. He tells her he’s become “digisexual” and is no longer attracted to people. “I only like technology. People creep me out. You’re basically a delivery system for viruses, germs and unreasonable favor requests. I’m willing to take a picture of you, but that’s as far as I’ll go.” he says. “This is the most disturbing conversation I’ve ever had,” she says as Wally snaps a picture. “Thank goodness for photoshop,” he says.

In “Blondie,” Dagwood gives us our second Easter egg hunting joke, finding his treat in the attic. Not a lot of laughs, but it’s topical!

“Foxtrot” brings the Easter funny as the kids dye eggs in a manner that turns the egg inside funny colors, thus convincing kids at school that they’re eating rotten eggs when they takes egg salad sandwiches for lunch. Funny, but do kids take egg salad sandwiches to school anymore? Do kids even eat egg salad anymore?

And it’s the return of Ghostly Grandpa in “The Family Circus.” The spectral ancestor shows baby PJ where to find hidden Easter eggs: On a step (that’s just asking for a smashed egg), under a bush, behind a trash can. Then Grandpa’s ghost lifts PJ up into a tree so he can get one there. Now, let’s think about this for a moment. Grandpa’s ghost lifts PJ up. How can he do that? How can he touch PJ, no less lift him? And what would the rest of the family think if they saw PJ suddenly floating up into a tree, aided by invisible Grandpa? I think the Keanes just wrote the script for the “Poltergeist” reboot.

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 7

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It’s time for our weekly look at what’s funny — or not — in the Sunday funnies. Because surely there’s a modern-day successor to “Pogo?”

“Classic Peanuts” offers a take on Charlie Brown’s love/hate relationship with baseball. Charlie Brown’s on the pitcher’s mound and it’s raining. Lucy asks if he’s going to call the game. He tells her to get back out into centerfield. A pop fly ball is hit and … bounces off Lucy’s umbrella. That Lucy!

“Garfield” looks at a common problem for bloggers. Jon worries that no one is reading his blog. He theorizes that cute pictures of Garfield would generate clicks. But Garfield won’t cooperate. The last panel shows an extreme close-up of a mouth. Jon’s I think. With the entry, “Today I ate a smartphone.” Am I missing something?

“Wizard of Id” gives us our first April Fool’s joke of the day. The king is delighted to hear the soldier in the turret announce, “The king’s popularity is higher than ever.” But everyone else is laughing — until the king has them put in chains for playing an April Fool’s joke on him.

“Marmaduke” barks in response to the tweeting birds … and they all fly away. Are we sure that the creator of “Marmaduke” has ever seen a dog?

“Dilbert” features Catbert offering the pointy-haired boss advice on leadership. After Catbert tells him he’s being too panicky in his warnings, the boss says, “We’re doomed, and yet, I am not the least bit worried.” Catbert frowns. “That one had a creepy vibe.” And that’s not even the punchline. Pretty funny.

In “Beetle Bailey,” the men of Camp Swampy are complaining about Cookie’s meatballs. Sarge advices him to make something they would like to tear apart with their teeth. Cookie makes … cookies that look like Sarge and the men are eating them up. I’m confused. Is “Don’t ask, don’t tell” over or not?

“Foxtrot” offers “Game of Thrones” as it might be filtered through a “My Little Pony” sensibility for an April Fools Day joke. And, you know, it works.

In “Hi and Lois,” Lois cleans up the house all day and then wonders aloud if mother birds ever look forward to an empty nest. I sense a very tragic Lifetime movie in the offing.

An April Fool’s joke backfires for “Dennis the Menace.” He’s trying to be funny, but he convinces Margaret that she’s gorgeous and that he wants to hear her practice piano. I sense a very tragic Lifetime movie in the offing here too.

Okay, now we’re getting into the spirit of this special day as well as the spirit of horribly embittered and disappointed mothers. In “Family Circus,” all the kids thank their mom for vegetables, come home with perfect report cards and thank mom for taking them clothes shopping. “April Fool!” those devilish Keanes announce. Tragic. Lifetime. Offing.

And finally in “Non Sequitur,” an alien and a little boy tell a little girl they’re calculating when an asteroid will strike earth. She realizes it’s April Fools Day. Whew. After she leaves, they go back to calculating the date of impact. Wow, thanks, Wiley, for spoiling the spirit of April Fools Day! (And thanks for the plot of a SyFy Channel movie.)

If you’re scoring at home, that’s five April Fools Day jokes and three potentially tragic tales of parenthood gone off the rails.

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 4

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Here’s our latest look at what’s funny in the funny pages. There’s something fun in the post-“Calvin and Hobbes” era, right?

This week: The return of Ida Know and Not Me!

“Classic Peanuts.” Okay, spring is definitely here. The estate of the late, great Charles M. Schulz gives us the first (?) Charlie Brown vs. kite strip of the year.

But oy vey, this is a lame one. Good ol’ Charlie Brown talks to the tree that’s eaten his kite for, let’s see, six panels, ultimately giving up and acknowledging, “You can’t argue with a kite-eating tree.”

Moving on …

“Zits.” Okay, good stuff here. “Ridiculous stuff moms say” includes “Wear a coat” and “Does anybody want some kale?” As Homer Simpson would say, “It’s funny because it’s true.”

“Garfield.” Jon talks to Liz on the phone, fretting about what movie they’ll watch because he doesn’t want a weepy chick flick. He’s happy she’s picked a monster movie! But she’s chosen “When Godzilla Met Sally.” Ladies and gentlemen, my nominee for funniest newspaper strip of 1989.

“Dilbert.” The pointy-haired boss spouts techno-gibberish like “Do we have enough room in the cloud to Skype?” and Dilbert explains that he “slips in and out of understanding basic technology.”

Dilbert reassures him, “We have plenty of space because we upgraded to a cumulonimbus cloud.” Good stuff.

“Foxtrot.” One of the kids gets ideas for “John Carter” sequels once they run out of Mars stories, including “John Carter of Tattooine.” Extra geeky!

“Blondie.” Dagwood and Blondie continue their master class on household budgeting and economics. Dagwood buys Blondie an expensive necklace at the jewelry store.

“Did you see anything new at the golf shop today?” Blondie asks. “You won’t believe the amazing golf bags they just got in,” Dagwood replies. ‘Cause it’s okay to spend as much money as you can when everybody shares the loot.

“Curtis.” Curtis gets good grades so his dad takes him to buy a reward, “something called an iPad,” Dad says. They return later, sans iPad, at odds over spending money. Counting this and the “Blondie” strip, I think this week’s theme is household spending.

Finally — and I am so excited about this, “Family Circus.” Mom has the kids — have they always had four? — lined up for interrogation.

There’s a broken dish in her hand and a disappointed look on her face.

“I think I know the answer but I’ll ask you anyway,” Mom says. “Which of you broke my good plate?”

Wait, the Keenes have only one good plate? Times must be tough in the newspaper comic strip industry. But I digress.

Joining the line-up of kids being grilled: The see-thru forms of Ida Know, Not Me and Nobody.

Nobody in particular is unfamiliar to me and has me a little worried. He’s got a moustache, for Pete’s sake. How old is this imaginary blame-taker? What’s he doing hanging around with a bunch of school-agers?

 

 

The Great Newspaper Comics Challenge Part 3

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I’m way overdue for a look at the funny pages in this, an irregularly recurring look at newspaper comics.

The premise: The glory days of the newspaper comic ended with “Calvin and Hobbes” and “The Far Side,” but there’s still some good stuff out there. And if not good stuff, at least familiar. And you know the old saying: Familiarity breeds content. That was the old saying, wasn’t it?

In today’s Sunday strips:

“Garfield” talks about the weather. Seriously, this strip sums up my feelings about the transition from winter to spring. Standing outside, Garfield experiences sun, snow, rain, hail and wind. “I’m done with March,” he tells Jon.

Weather is the theme of the day. In “Classic Peanuts,” Linus grumbles about having to walk to school in the rain, worrying that he’ll catch  a cold. When he finally sneezes, he takes it as a sign to head for home. One more weather strip in my Sunday paper and I’ll take it as a sign the cartoonists collaborated like they do for those fabulous annual Arbor Day tributes.

“Pickles” actually has a pretty good joke that cat owners can relate to. Two people dispute the possibility that cats really care about people, noting that a neighbor with gourmet cat food could lure the cat away. “Muffin would never do that to me,” the lady says. “Would you Muffy?” The cat thinks — because cats don’t talk — “I’m doing it now. I actually belong to the lady down the street.” No weather.

In “The Wizard of Id,” campaign leaflets are tossed from a balloon and rain down on people below. Does that count as weather?

“Dilbert” features a robot with attitude that calls for a robot apocalypse. Does the end of the world count as weather? I’m sure the Weather Channel would claim it.

In “Hi and Lois,” one of the kids is sick and hopes he misses school. Hmmm. Counting “Peanuts,” maybe the real trend for today is childhood illness.

Meanwhile, Dagwood considers taking a nap at work.

In “Dennis the Menace,” Dennis and Joey try to hit Margaret with a snowball. I think that counts as weather.

In “The Family Circus,” Dad takes a nap and one of the kids gives him a teddy bear. Awwww …. and dammit. Now I think naps are the trend of the day.

“Non Sequitur” has the little goth kid complaining that it’s snowing when it should be spring. I think that settles the matter:

Weather: 6 (right? right?)

Kids too sick to go to school: 2

Grown men taking naps: 2.